Thursday, August 28, 2008

The True Italian-American Perspective

I am so dearly sorry for the weeks devoid of my Italian-American perspective. I also know that you must be expecting the greatest writing of all time from the title. Well, I'm going to have to say sorry again and plead for the forgiveness of my vast fanbase because I am using a foreign diplomats computer for a few seconds to just catch up. This anonymous diplomat from a foreign land was driving very drunk, but I swear to you he was not apprehended by the police after being pulled over because of his diplomatic status. I consider this to be an indispensable connection. Being Italian, I should have a great many connections. Aaaah. Once again I am so sorry for this lackluster portrayal of my utmost imagination right now; hence, I am tired. Adio. P.S. I should have a new computer in a few days, then I will be back on the writing boards and sharing my spaghetti-laden fantasies once more.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Incapable Capabilities

This segment of incapable capabilities is geared towards the many headaches of working with a university or college and the many perfectly competent staff members who fuel this fire. At this anonymous Detroit university, the cases of incapability are immense in proportion to the number of seemingly capable faculty. Certain ethnic groups tend to lead the way in these incapacities. To avoid persecution, I strongly believe this to be circumstancial and/or coincidental.
Today, I was attempting to speak with an academic advisor concerning class scheduling and pre-requisites. I wish I would've had one of my patented, monsterous farts festering in my loins for this so-called professional to enjoy. First off, it was open to the public today for the academic advisors so I had to wait for about two hours to get my number called as if I was in a Jewish Delicatessen. But, I am a recently converted Buddhist follower; therefore, I possess patience and a hookah.
I assumed that my patience would pay off in the form of a quality academic advising meeting. Mind you, it's not a very difficult occupation. All you have to do, for me, is look up what classes I need to be in for the upcoming semester to fulfill my degree requirements. It's all electronic! It's probably comparable to doing a Google search in terms of technical difficulty. This guy had degrees from an Ivy League school on his wall. I had to ask him if they were counterfeit. He was adamant. It's not such a horrible question. This was proceeding the half of an hour it took him to find, on his computer, only three of the necessary classes. I asked him if he was purposefully wasting my time so that he won't have to deal with more students because time was nearing an end for the department to shut down. Once again, he was adamant. As am I, now, from this difficult situation. ...and that is the first ever segment of incapable capabilities. Adio.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Aggressive Tendencies and Italian Ways

You lookin' at me?  Huh!?  Well, stop lookin' at ah me and start ah lookin' at ah that naked female over there.  If you're lucky like me, this naked female will be a spicy asian like the one to my left.  If not, you'll have to settle for a lesser breed.  At least oriental women still have traditional values, and as Busta Rhymes would say, "Bitches know how to ack; like Mike Tyson smoke crack."  Please hold one second; I'm going to go eat some sushi...
Ok... whooooooo... I am back in black intact big momma.  Man Florida is more than a panhandle; it's also a mecca for the snatch of the universe.  I understand that I am a guido and that makes me more prone to violence and having underage relations with foreign diplomats.  But, I still revere my ancestors and their hard labor practices.  There is a fine line between reverence and aggressiveness.  Since I've been in Florida, I've walked that line more than Dewey Cox and his hard line.  
Refer back to my Testosterone Cost/Benefit Analysis (my first blog).  This will give more informative insight into why I have to be so aggressive in all my endeavors, business, pleasure or otherwise.  And by otherwise, I mean I had relations with a masseuse from Canada a few months back after being told it was a non-happy ending massage parlor.  I guess Asians are hornier than Italians after all.  Or maybe they just smell better.  
Dan's Final Thought/Advice :  Harness your aggressive tendencies without the use of drugs.  Take my word for it.  Tuna fish is much better for you than a heroin salad.  Only perverted minds such as my own would comprehend that.  Keep it clean and sober, and your odds of prosperity will increase many fold.  I love you all even if you are not Italian.  Adio.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Destitution or Institution

Hitting rock bottom and being flat broke and having very little reason for ambition is about what it takes for a man like me to reach closure within myself.  At least there is nowhere to go but "up".  I hope some of you can relate, but I know that it is unlikely that most of you can fathom where I've been.  I'm not being fastuous about my mistakes, but I have to say that I must use these experiences for more than fodder for my vacuous despondency and its internal dissidence in me.  In other words, I want you to understand me.  I won't go into specifics about my life.  I will generalize and substantiate my feelings of course.  
Only twice in my life have I reached the depths of destitution in many aspects of life.  In each instance, I was forever changed.  Some may look at some of the things I've done as signs of immaturity or obscurity in self.  I assure you that I am totally honest and up front about everything and anything, and that is why I know it has nothing to do with either of the aforementioned reasons.  Possibly, but I do believe I have it figured finally to a much more complete extent.  I believe that these bottomless troubles that have haunted me for years now stem from a much much deeper source.  Boredom and a lack of drive for a purposeful endeavor in life are more likely the causes and openings to solutions.  A simple solution would be dandy, but I have yet to find one and have realized that is never an option.  I hope someday that I will reach pure zen and never stray down the path of least resistance for solely the sake of avoidance and ignorance again.  
It's as if allowing destitution to dictate your life choices and therefore the end result, is the end all when in that predicament.  It's easy to give in and give up.  
Darwinian theories are more than just blabber from some drunk that walked around categorizing unknown animals and traveling to funked up places.  He was the founder of the very core of my value system = "Survival of the Fittest M F'er".  And that very thought has proven to be my salvation.  I just buck up and say, "Let's do this."  Drop the drama and ditch the BS because daddy ain't having that and homey don't play dat.  
Dan's Final Thought/Advice : I want to take a moment to thank all of the readers that have made it this far.  You seek truth and understanding and understand that the pursuit of knowledge is unparalleled.  Wisdom is the key to happiness and personal fulfillment aka the American't Dream.  If you cannot live on this planet by yourself then you cannot be truly happy even with someone else who may seem that way.  Dig into your being and manifest greatness through means of all means by all means.  If I were to offer any practical advice tonight other than just my poetic, philisophical blabber, I would lead you down a very distinct path.  The path of Buddhism.  I have never enjoyed religion and its many flaws because it is founded on the writings and beliefs that span too far back where human history was hardly recorded.  However, with Buddhism at least you know that no one is more peaceful in any other religion than you should be.  I have studied and researched this religion so much and have truly been enlightened.  I hope I can at least help to convert at least one person to the path of true righteousness.  And if God is the trinity of Christianity and the truth in the end, and He won't accept a Buddhist, then at least we know God is an asshole and deserves to be judged as we are for his ignorant discretions.  I hope I've opened up your minds a little tonight.  Adio.  

Monday, July 28, 2008

Weekly Workout Wisdom for Italians Part 2

I am deeply sorry for missing two weeks of this segment and a couple weeks of bloggings period.  I hope you Italian-Americans can cope with life in America without me anyway.  
Today's inspiration comes from a fascination with grease and foods that are grease-o-philic.  I made up that word; don't look it up.  For those of you who speak in English grammar, I will be discussing diets for Italians who are naturally in shape and other peoples who have to try to be Italian-esque.  
As I am writing from a foreign land - Florida, I am eating garbage daily and heavily.  Eat Cheese.  Sorry I'm tired and drunk; I'll finish tomorrow.  Adio. 

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ken was and is always right

For you true Italian-Americans and Italian-American wannabes out there, I am dearly remorseful for the recent lack of my perspective. A good long-time friend of mine, Ken "Peniculus" A, suggested that I remove my most current blog so that I can remove my explicit content. Sorry for you Slayer fans, but I am going to follow this advice because he so kindly pointed out that google will cease to send random bloggers to my site for this reason. I need all the bloggerites I can acquire. You guys are more than a statistic to me; you are a number. Just kidding.
Thank you Ken - the true, one-and-only "Peniculus" that I have ever known at least. You are the greatest and a true inspirado to my bloggings with your http://weareofmichigan.blogspot.com blogs. I hope this blogging will serve to show that I respect and even admire my readers as if I were Steven Spielberg without an audience. Although most times I feel more like Stephen Hawking. (I hope you can figure that one out).
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: When in the course of Italian events, one must recall a time when they were young and toddling and gallavanting around like flys on crap. You may not have used your words wisely or even coherently, but you at least did not have the knowledge of the corrupted world of our contemporary times. You n'air used curse words or, in my case, detailed vulgarities. The content of my writings for all of the future to come with regards to my Italian-American perspective will require great intensity without the use of foul language. Like how Will Smith refuses to cuss on his records. I'm sure he cusses out his wench of a wife, that hot black chic Chiquita Smith or something. Adio.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Meet your Meat

Check out www.chooseveg.com , watch some videos, and let me know your opinions on current farming practices.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Handedness - If your Brain is Right, What's Left?

Please note that I am writing today based solely on the empirical studies and evidence conducted by very creative psychologists. However, aside from a few facts, these ideas lie totally in the realm of my mind only. We have so many stigmas attached to left-hand dominated persons of our human race. Today, I will try to dispel this as a general conscencus. Being predominantly right-handed, I try to be as objective as possible on this topic. Some hand-related comments include leftovers and you've been left out. On the other there is the right way, "right"eousness, "right"ing your ship, and many more that I will leave to your imagination. To me, these sayings are comical in nature when considering the source - people who lived before me.
First off, our world is a right-handed world. Nearly 90% of all living humans are right-handed. We obviously have to attribute this phenomenon to the brain. Most of the tools and machinery we have come to use and consider important are geared towards right-hand use. Fuck that. Let's take a peek at what research has shown us to be true.
There is very little difference in the strength or dexterity between your dominant hand and the other. Studies have shown that the agility of your dominant hand is an overt expression of superior motor control on the opposite side of the brain, respectively. If you are left-handed, the right side of the brain literally has more area devoted to the control of this hand and side of the body in general. Now it is not always true that if you are left-handed, the right hempishpere (of the brain) dominates. Because of language development, a left-handed person's dominant hempishere could just as easily be the on the same side - left. Approximately, 97% of all right-handers process speech in the left side of the brain and are left brain dominant (Coren, 2002). Ironically, about 70% of left-handers, produce their speech in the same way (Coren, 2002). A small percentage of each group uses the right hempishere for language and speech communication. Some, but very few, utilize both sides for speech. Keep in mind that you cannot reach these conclusions by simple tests. Experimenters have performed serious medical tests by slightly anesthetizing one half of the brain at a time to study the other. I neither condone or recommend these types of experiments to be done at your own will. But if you happen to work in some form of neurosurgery, I can't stop you from being productive with your talents.
There have been studies to show that in most animal groups, there is a 50-50 ratio of left to right-hand preference. If you remember what I said about language earlier than this may make sense to you. We have come so far in developing our linguistic skills that the prevalence of right-handedness in humans most probably reflects the left-brain's specialization for language (Cohen, 2002). Animals have nowhere near the linguistic capacity of humans. Even in fetal ultrasounds, we have been able to determine the handedness of an infant pre-conception. (Kessler, 2005). This leads me to believe that forcing infants to use the opposite hand to perform most tasks creates a possibility of speech and/or reading problems because the dominant hand has been predetermined. However, you should masturbate with your left hand because you will utilize the intrinsic creativity of your right brain so much more (Daniel J., 2008). Or not...
The most obvious advantage of being left-handed reveals itself in times of brain injury. Left-handers typically experience far less language loss and recover from either hemisphere's injury much faster and more completely. I have no factually-based idea as to why this is true, but if you study more closely the differences between left and right-brain dominated people, you will have a better understanding as I believe I do. I really don't feel like describing my opinion on this specific idea because I have to leave now to hypothetically ejaculate from heavy lifting and high repetition on my legs and upper back.
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: In my opinion, since the right hempishpere is far superior at imagery and visual abilities, many famous artists and painters must have been left-handed. Coincidentally, I did some research and found that Michelangelo, Pablo Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci and M.C. Escher were left-handers. Most talented musicians are ambidextrious as far as I know. I imagine Malmsteen, Vai, Satriani, Petrucci, Impellitteri, Gilbert, Vaughan and even B.B. King had some considerable power with both halves of the brain. Adio.

Friday, July 11, 2008

MALMSTEEN

If Yngwie Malmsteen dies today, he will surely castrate the medieval sack of Apollo and steal his golden lyre, and use this holy lyre to fiddle out the greatest tunes ever concocted by a non-human. Malmsteen is a celestial body of pure energy and/or righteousness at any given stroke of his stringed repertoire godliness. I must even take a moment to regain my composure after being mentally obliterated by the background music of the Great Malm.
A brief glance into the uncharted worlds of boundless vats of righteousness, will lead you to the bottom of my blog page. Here, you will notice something very Malmsteen. In fact, Malmsteen may await you at the bottom of this page. Surely, once you have located this beaming example of self-righteousness, you shall drop to your knees and edify AAAALLLAAAAAHHH! Stunned, you may find yourself gorging vast quanitites of food or drink (alcohol of course) from the sheer power while listening (because it's malmsteen - kind audible observation) to the spider fingers of Apollo's son-he-never-had.
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: Yngwie Johann Malmsteen = 7 strings - 1 string x righteousness / half of the world's collective righteousness + arpeggios from hell.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Olds-mobiles

Elderly of the world - listen intently. Read between the lines. You are old. You should soon perish. You should either create a bucket list that is so risky you may die in the process of completion, or do not bother involving your pathetic bones in the common activities of capable and competent beings e.g. peoples under 65 +/-.
For instance, driving should be a very serious issue in America. Yet, we have such a high incidence of disasters daily due to many factors. I will exploit one of these problems today. I think you may have deduced that old persons are so inept at all motor-skill-oriented activities. So, let's discuss potential solutions.
Mentally-acute sixteen year-old adolescents should intrinsically be more competent drivers. They still have to overcome the first obstacle of road tests and simplistic exams. Why is it that when you reach a certain age you no longer are obligated to prove your skills as a qualified, licensed driver? This is so simple, but I guess it has much to do with so many "olds-mobiles" in public office and high-ranking government positions. Change via influence must come from a young black man - Barack (Hussein) Obama. Or at least from the mindset of a much younger individual than the paleolithic-era future president - Johnny (Be) Mccain. I'm digressing into politics of presidential concern now. Damn you senile mother f'ers. Now, even the great Daniel J. is losing his train of thought.
Let's keep today's blog concise and quite simple due to the sensitive subject matter. Create a law that inundates all "olds-mobiles" at a specified age into maybe monthly driving tests because how quickly these folks deteriorate mentally and physically and in libido. I would even venture a step further and state that there should be no room for driving any vehicle besides a golf cart past one of the "ages of no return" because I am diametrically opposed to them slowing down the roads in general. And for you old Italians, eat as much spaghetti as you can voraciously devour down your throats because those carbohydrates are going to keep you miles ahead of the game as elderly drivers. Adio.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Weekly Workout Wisdom for Italians

This is a new weekly segment addendum that involves the utmost of my knowledge concerning certain aspects of weightlifting, bodybuilding, diet, supplementation and other focal points of interest. Of course, it is meant for Italians because we contain the greatest pertinent genetics. This column was inspired by how my legs and back seem sore beyond repair as of this morning. And no, I was not "doing it doggy-style" last night. This soreness stems from a hyper-intensive workout yesterday.
Today, we are going to be discussing muscle fatigue and repair. This specific article is aimed toward bodybuilders. (If you are purely a weightlifter; get fat and eat like the sumo gods all day long). However, if you are more like me and yearn for the pinnacle of your body's low-fat percentage and overall muscularity aesthetics, then you should know that your life is going to change. This isn't a simple alteration of a few months; it is a neverending process of dedication and boundless energy utilization.
This information pertains to anyone involved in any workout regimen that seeks a bodybuilder physique. Money is a definite issue for most who aspire to be truly successful. Anyway, you absolutely need one, at minimum, meal before your workout. I personally eat two meals before I head to the gym and 6 to 8 meals/day. Let me describe what I mean by meals. Within the first half-hour of waking, you need to consume one small meal to replenish the protein deterioration from the previous night's rest. However, these meals must contain all the proper amounts of protein, fat, carbohydrates and nutrients necessary for you. Remember, because I don't know you, the reader's, body weight and general fat and muscle disposition, I cannot tell you specifically how many calories and fat/carb content you must maintain. As a general rule of thumb, I ingest between 40 and 60 grams of whey or caseinate (long-lasting) protein at night. This will work for everyone. Take a Casein Protein shake with water right before you fall asleep. This great protein will time-release itself into your muscles while you sleep so that you do not suffer from protein deprivation. Never consume more than 40-60 g's of protein within at least two hours. I will wait anywhere from 2 to 4 hours between each meal. Time two of your meals, pre and post-workout, to be in that same time frame so that you ingest one meal's protein right before you workout and one meal's protein directly after your workout. Be creative with your meal plans.
I eat very little fat, and I try to take in a sufficient amount of carbs. Do not underestimate the carbohydrate power. It is crucial for repairing your energy and cardiovascular stamina despite what you may have heard (Damn that Atkins).
Also make sure you don't forget to absorb enough sodium. I know you may think sodium is detrimental to overall health, but you're wrong. That is in excess and if you ingest too little only. Your starving muscles appreciate sufficient sodium intake because they absorb more water this way. Hence, they are happier muscles now. Sodium increases muscle size through an increase in muscle cell fluid volume. Many critical amino acids are "sodium-dependent"; so if you lack sufficient sodium, much of the protein you've worked so hard to intake is wasted because the relative amino acids are negatively effected due to a lack of sodium. I can go on, but just take my word for it. Sodium is utterly crucial; however, do not go and down a vial of table salt every day. In fact, don't use table salt (NaCl) at all. It's essentially poison. Use pure sea salt on your whole foods, or just get the proper sodium from the foods you have eaten.
For most of your muscles, you need to allow at least 72 hours for them to repair. Larger muscle groups, such as your legs and back, may require up to an entire week. Smaller muscles, such as biceps, may only take 48 hours to fully recover. You may end up hitting the abdominal region every single day - even off-days. They are capable of complete muscle rejuvination in about 24 hours. Be smart about it, and don't try to show-off. If you're up for shoulders that day and they feel quite sore still, do not stress them that day. Besides, then who is going to overseer and whip those slaves into submission with impossibly sore shoulders? Don't call me and ask to be your overseer if this happens because I live nowhere near any plantations - wink, wink.
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: Think of your body as a fuel tank for a jet engine. The military must infuse only the primo sources of fuel for these jets to perform optimally. You will be more inclined and more able to perform at your peak someday through consistency of diet and workout. Follow the daily percentage volumes/calorie intake. If it says take in 80 grams of fat for a 2000 calorie diet daily, and you eat 10,000 calories at least like me. Then you can figure out how much fat you can have. But, recall, I said this was a very low-fat diet. For this diet, your fat content should be approximately 10-20 % of your daily consumption caloric. Adio.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Order Sons of Italy in America (official site)

http://www.osia.org/

Italians in the Workplace

Yesterday, I was filling out a very basic and common application for an entry-level position at a local hospital. As I have noticed in the past, there seems to be something missing from this application process. A giant void that leaves a foul, yet distinct taste in my mouth as if I had just decided it was kosher to consume pork on the Rhamadan. In a sense, this is as disrespectful to Italian-Americans as it is for Jews to eat bacon or ham on Rhamadan.
...I am in no way a professional blogger yet. Somehow I was cut short in my truthful discussion concerning the Italian working man and woman and sometimes child (usually the kids that have to smash grapes with their feet in old Sicily). Now as many of you may have guessed, I am a true-blooded Italian. But even more so, I am a full-out Sicilian. We succeeded from the north, or maybe that was simply a part of the erosion of the great Pangea. I think it was. Nonetheless, I was trying to portray an image of how blatantly disrespectful a certain part of the application process in America has become. No, I am not African-American, Hispanic, or really even Caucasian (unless I've drank too many of these fine cocktails; I tend to give a pale hue about my skin). So, business owners of the world. Realize and analyze this (Robert Deniro, Billy Crystal). In the 2000 U.S. Census annual report, Italian Americans constituted the fifth largest ancestry group in America with about 15.6 million people. That's 5.6% percent of the population. As of 2006, we became even more abundant at 17.8 million Italian-Americans comprising 6.0% of the U.S. populace (Euro-Americans.net/census2000). Yes, we are amazing people, but these numbers also show that with that amazingness, we deserve a spot on every ethnic background area of every kind and type of application in America.
What could be better than numerous amounts of absolutely amazing people in the respectful job positions? Even though we are sons and daughters of Italy, we cannot all become Rocky. I am not diluted into thinking that we are the greatest nationality of peoples because we were born that way. Maybe, but we had to work just as hard if not harder than those of less pure descent e.g. everyone who is not Italian. Believe me, business with a lack of these little giant-killing peoples is either a head shop or a Del Taco in my opinion.
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: If you seem to be having difficulty as an Italian-American in the workplace, there are still viable options that exceed basic entry-level positions. First of all, we can enroll and graduate from colleges and universities as anyone else; although, we cannot get the financial aid that the abolishionist-loving peoples receive. My advice would be to join the Sons of Italy, which is the largest and oldest known Italian-American fraternal organization in the United States. For you Italian Canucks, if you exist, there is a similar organization in Canada. I am an avid member of this fine establishment, and they have given me great insight into many aspects of our "Italianized" American culture.
Be creative and smart with your amazing attributes as an Italian. Do not allow stereotypes or naysayers to disrupt your rise to greatness. When in doubt, pretend and believe as if you were Mussolini himself, and you will undubitably land the job position you desire if the employer values his democracy. I look forward to a wide-open response of comments to this blog in particular, as it so practically pertains to my life. Adio.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Testosterone: Cost/Benefit Analysis

As an alpha-male with heavy emphasis on beta brainwaves as a means of thought, I have struggled with the control of that crazy hormone, testosterone. With beta thought process, I tend to deal with my daily activities in a speedy and sometimes incessant manner. When you add testosterone to this process, you may become somewhat overbearing. On the other hand, this extra hormonal boost may yield intense thoughts of unparralleled nature. These attributes can be a cost or a benefit given certain situations. {Potential Cost or Benefit}
As a young man, I find myself constantly under the spell of this tantalizing natural opiate. Along with my youth, my Italian genetic background may shed more insight into the world of controlling my little hormones. Yes, we Italians are known to be quick to hostility, but most fail to realize that we only react this way when we are threatened. Did Mussolini feal threatened? I believe maybe (A discussion for another blog). Did we not slave in subpar jobs for decades in the major cities of the US with little or no government support when we first arrived? Of course we did. Were the streets of Brooklyn littered with poverty and crime when the Italians ran things, no matter how stern the operations were? I have heard from my wise grandfather that it was like heaven for Italians and other godly peoples. Currently, Brooklyn figuratively resembles the aftermath of an atomic bomb under the African-American rule. By the way, I love African-Americans, they make even the simplest things so much more exciting and captivating. Do Italians have sadistic grape vines that wrap their vines around the necks of their creators? No. But, I can virtually assure you, my fellow bloggers, that we are no more hostile than a wild bear with no toilet paper. I hope that makes you feel safer the next time you visit Little Italy or maybe a classic Italian delicattesen. Testosterone abundance in our veins allows us to react with fervid force. If power we come to harness, boundless our limits are (as the great Yoda might phrase this sentence). {Definite Benefit}
I believe I have cleared Italians from the dark stigma of being overly testosterone-laden, yet I think the proof is up for intelligent-only debate. Not to be a flaccid chalupa in a wet taco, but I absolutely don't want to hear a comment unless some thought and research has been put into it. Comments should be truly objective. Objectivity breeds quality subjectivity. I would love to hear what my thoughtful bloggerites think about this delicate subject matter and more importantly how it pertains to Italian-Americans. I hope you respect my brutal honesty because honestly, I have so much more to bring to this table of roundness in the days, and hopefully months and years to come.
Dan's Final Thought/Advice: If you have had problems controlling yourself, why not be realistic and channel your energy to a creative and logical focus. I personally have found great relief in daily exercise. I utilize strenuous exercise and strict diet regimens to achieve goals, but more importantly to relieve stress and increase my sense of well-being as it surely will with any of you. This activity along with proper diet will increase testosterone activity in your body over time; however, you will be much more suited to control it because of the dedication of daily exercise. Be smart and humble with your powers. Someday, the testosterone flooding your brain may manifest something extraordinary. Adio.