Destitution or Institution

Hitting rock bottom and being flat broke and having very little reason for ambition is about what it takes for a man like me to reach closure within myself.  At least there is nowhere to go but "up".  I hope some of you can relate, but I know that it is unlikely that most of you can fathom where I've been.  I'm not being fastuous about my mistakes, but I have to say that I must use these experiences for more than fodder for my vacuous despondency and its internal dissidence in me.  In other words, I want you to understand me.  I won't go into specifics about my life.  I will generalize and substantiate my feelings of course.  

Only twice in my life have I reached the depths of destitution in many aspects of life.  In each instance, I was forever changed.  Some may look at some of the things I've done as signs of immaturity or obscurity in self.  I assure you that I am totally honest and up front about everything and anything, and that is why I know it has nothing to do with either of the aforementioned reasons.  Possibly, but I do believe I have it figured finally to a much more complete extent.  I believe that these bottomless troubles that have haunted me for years now stem from a much much deeper source.  Boredom and a lack of drive for a purposeful endeavor in life are more likely the causes and openings to solutions.  A simple solution would be dandy, but I have yet to find one and have realized that is never an option.  I hope someday that I will reach pure zen and never stray down the path of least resistance for solely the sake of avoidance and ignorance again.  

It's as if allowing destitution to dictate your life choices and therefore the end result, is the end all when in that predicament.  It's easy to give in and give up.  

Darwinian theories are more than just blabber from some drunk that walked around categorizing unknown animals and traveling to funked up places.  He was the founder of the very core of my value system = "Survival of the Fittest M F'er".  And that very thought has proven to be my salvation.  I just buck up and say, "Let's do this."  Drop the drama and ditch the BS because daddy ain't having that and homey don't play dat.  

Dan's Final Thought/Advice : I want to take a moment to thank all of the readers that have made it this far.  You seek truth and understanding and understand that the pursuit of knowledge is unparalleled.  Wisdom is the key to happiness and personal fulfillment aka the American't Dream.  If you cannot live on this planet by yourself then you cannot be truly happy even with someone else who may seem that way.  Dig into your being and manifest greatness through means of all means by all means.  If I were to offer any practical advice tonight other than just my poetic, philisophical blabber, I would lead you down a very distinct path.  The path of Buddhism.  I have never enjoyed religion and its many flaws because it is founded on the writings and beliefs that span too far back where human history was hardly recorded.  However, with Buddhism at least you know that no one is more peaceful in any other religion than you should be.  I have studied and researched this religion so much and have truly been enlightened.  I hope I can at least help to convert at least one person to the path of true righteousness.  And if God is the trinity of Christianity and the truth in the end, and He won't accept a Buddhist, then at least we know God is an asshole and deserves to be judged as we are for his ignorant discretions.  I hope I've opened up your minds a little tonight.  Adio.